Is it time to get a divorce from institutional religion? – Baptist News Global

OpinionMartin Thielen  |  October 30, 2025
Last summer I ate lunch with a long-term kindred spirit friend who, like me, is a retired minister. We spoke about our vocations in the church, both the good and the bad. We also expressed deep disappointments with organized religion, historically and currently.
Near the end of the conversation, my friend said: “Maybe it’s time for us to get a divorce from the institutional church. After all, we question most of its doctrines, we don’t attend much, and we are weary of its long-standing failure to follow the example and teachings of Jesus.”
Several months ago, my friend and I scheduled another lunch. His contempt for organized religion had grown exponentially since our previous visit, primarily due to strong Christian support of Donald Trump in the 2024 election (and beyond).
Martin Thielen
He said, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve decided to get that ‘divorce’ from the institutional church we talked about last year. I just can’t be a part of it anymore.” I told him that although I wasn’t ready to take that step yet, I understood his decision.
Since that conversation, I’ve been thinking — a lot — about my friend’s question. Is it time to get a divorce from institutional religion? This article is my attempt to answer that question. The fact that I’m even considering the possibility of a church “divorce” is a stunning development for me.
My wife and I married at age 20, have been married for 48 years and hope to remain married the rest of our lives. So clearly, I don’t know what it’s like to get a divorce. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I think a person might feel if they were grappling with the possibility of terminating a long-term marriage.
If I were to get a “divorce” from the institutional church, it would come after decades of trying to make the marriage work. I “married” the church 53 years ago (at the age of 15) when I affirmed faith in Jesus Christ and took my baptism vows. Forty of those years were spent in vocational ministry.
I’ve had some wonderful years in this long-term relationship. I’ve also had some excruciatingly painful years. But through it all, I made a commitment to be faithful to the church, “For better or for worse … ’til death do us part.” But, like my friend, I’ve been wondering if it’s time to break that 53-year-old vow.
Obviously, this contemplation of a church “divorce” didn’t come out of the blue. Not for my friend and certainly not for me. There’s a long backstory behind the question. It’s impossible to adequately share that story in one brief article, so I’ll only hit a few of the highlights. If you want the complete story, you can read my (free) book, My Long Farewell to Traditional Religion and What Remains in the book section of my Doubter’s Parish website.
Unfortunately, my doubts about institutional religion began early on. And by “early on,” I mean immediately. Literally on the day of my baptism, I witnessed deep racism among numerous members of my congregation, giving me pause about the commitment I had just made.
“The doubts continued as I read extremely troubling stories from the Bible that my church insisted must be taken literally.”
The doubts continued as I read extremely troubling stories from the Bible that my church insisted must be taken literally. When I went to a revival meeting and heard my first “hellfire and damnation” sermon, I wondered, “What kind of psychopathic God would torture people for all eternity? And do I want to be a part of an institution that teaches this kind of vengeful religion?”
When I worked at national denominational headquarters of the Southern Baptist Convention, I saw firsthand the unfathomable toxicity and cruelty of fundamentalist Religious Right religion. When I finally left the SBC to become a United Methodist, I thought I had solved my problems with the institutional church. But I was dead wrong.
For example, I immediately found myself in the middle of a vicious conflict over the issue of homosexuality. That battle ended with the largest schism in American church history since the Civil War. When I was pastor of a UMC megachurch, I discovered Mainline Christians could be just as brutal and cruel as evangelicals.
And when I watched the majority of American Christians (of all denominations) vote for and enthusiastically support the most vile and corrupt anti-Jesus president in American history, I felt (and continue to feel) overwhelming disillusionment with institutional religion.
Unfortunately, my problems with the institutional church are not limited to personal experiences. Like many clergypersons, I’m a serious student of church history. And that story, from the beginning to today, is filled with one massive failure after another, far more than I can review in this article. In short, the question, “Is it time to get a divorce from institutional religion?” has been brewing in my heart and mind for a very long time.
As I prepared for this article, I jotted down some of the reasons to consider getting a “divorce” from organized religion. A quick overview follows:
For these and many other reasons, I find myself seriously contemplating the possibility of giving up on traditional organized religion and following Jesus outside the boundaries of the institutional church.
However, if I were to get a “divorce” from the church, it would not be ugly, conflicted or hateful. Instead, it would be, at least from my side, entirely amicable. For example:
“If I were to divorce the church, I might return someday.”
When I think about my decades-long struggle with institutional religion and review the many good reasons for leaving it, part of me thinks an amicable church “divorce” might be justifiable, reasonable, even spiritually healthy.
As I think about the possibility of an ecclesiastical divorce, I imagine myself sitting at my desk, reviewing the divorce paperwork and perhaps signing the document. But as I fantasize that possibility, my heart makes numerous counterarguments, including the following:
So in spite of good reasons for doing so, I find it difficult to proceed with a divorce. That doesn’t mean I’m not angry at the church. I most definitely am. And I’m disappointed with it beyond words. It has been unfaithful to Jesus for most of its history.
I only sporadically attend institutional church services these days (although I’m an active member of a retired clergy group that basically functions as a house church). I’ve mostly been on a “sabbatical” from organized religion for the past several years. And yet, I still appreciate all it has done for me and others.
Yes, the church has wounded me, often profoundly. But it’s also blessed me in enumerable ways.
As I conclude my deliberation over the provocative question my friend broached a year ago, I once again sit at my desk and imagine looking at a “divorce” document from institutional religion. I carefully read it over. I stare at the signature line at the bottom of the page. I pick up my pen and seriously consider signing it. But when I do, my eyes fill with tears, and my hand won’t move.
Maybe someday I’ll sign the divorce papers. Maybe I should sign them.
But not today.
 
Martin Thielen, a retired minister (SBC and UMC), former megachurch pastor and bestselling author, is the founder and author of www.DoubtersParish.com.
 
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